the answer to the question!

Well, the jury is in and the answer to the question "Who's Crazy, Mom  or Me" is  ME!  Sure Mom is confused and "addlepated", but I am definitely the crazy one. 

Due to circumstances beyond my control, Mom has gone back to live at her home with my oldest brother and his wife.  She will be happy there, if for no other reason than that it is her home that she has lived in for the past 60 or so years.  My sister-in-law will take good care of her and my other siblings who live right there on or around the property will also.  My brother just younger than I is very compassionate and will always check on her and do whatever he can for her. 

It seems that this last week when Mike and I were trying to decide what to do, that  Mom just kept on and on about going home.  I took that as a sign.  I had been praying so intensely as to what I was supposed to do.  

 She always looked at her time with me as being in a facility..she couldn't get around the idea that this was my house.  She just knew that she was not at home.  I think that she enjoyed a lot of the things here, the big windows that she could look out and see the birds and the squirrels jumping from tree to tree,  she enjoyed watching the amaryllis bulbs grow and bloom.  She liked the things we did together, and just sitting and visiting.  She didn't remember it for very long :) but she enjoyed it at the time.. 

I will never regret our 10 weeks together.  Mom and I always had a special relationship and it was good to renew that. 

Every night after I helped her get into bed she always thanked me and Mike for taking such good care of her.  We said I love you and I turned out the light and slipped from the room.    So, this is goodnight to Mom and I love you. 

Since Heck was a pup!

'Since Heck was a pup"

Just a few happenings from today. 

The last couple of days Mom has been talking more  about going home . She had pretty much gotten that down to about once a day. A couple of days went by without it being mentioned.  Seems like things kinda cycle around.  Yesterday it was foremost on her mind.  She mentioned it at least every hour, sometimes more.   Today she was talking about how long she had been away,  I was in the process of telling her how long it had been and just as I said it's been...she chimed in and said "since Heck was a pup".   I wonder where in the world that saying came from?  I do remember hearing her say it before ( a long long time ago).

I'm still working on the princess dresses and I was in the kitchen sewing (she's not real crazy about me being in the other room where she can't see me) anyway it was time for a break.  I came into the living room and set down, she asked me where I had been.  I told her that I was sewing the princess dresses for the twins.   Who has twins? she asked.  ( I think that punctuation is wrong..oh well)  I told her that Mark  had 4 year old twins.  She started laughing.  I asked her what she was laughing about and she started talking about a time when we lived in Asher and she came down to stay with the boys while Mike and I went to Annapolis to visit our oldest for Parents weekend at the Naval Academy.  The other boys were at school, one was a senior, one was a freshman and the other was in the 4th grade.  When school was out  the boys came driving up to the house and mom was outside hanging clothes on the clothesline.  Unfortunately for the boys (who had friends in the car with them) mom was in the process of hanging their underwear on the line.:)  She remembers how funny that was to her and how embarrassed the boys were.   It's funny the things that she pulls out of her mind!

A little later we were sitting just talking and she asked me If I remembered that little song that she used to sing to my sisters and me.  I asked her which one she was thinking about and she started singing it to me....."My Momma told me , If I was goody, that she would buy me a rubber dolly....Now don't you tell her , I have a feller, or she won't buy me a rubber dolly.  Then she told me that her mom sang it to her when she was a little girl. Along with a lot of other ones.   And we pass them on to our little ones

Pampering

I took Mom to get a perm a few weeks ago and now it is time to get a haircut.  Every time she walks by the mirror in the bathroom she lets me know that she needs it cut.  This started before all the snow and we were unable to get out for two weeks.  As soon as I could I made her a hair appointment.  While I was at it I decided to go ahead and schedule a manicure and a pedicure.  I have a great friend that does my hair and I knew that she would take good care of Mom.  Her appointment was for 3pm Thursday.  We started out that morning with me trying to convince her that a shower was due.  She was not very happy with me.  Lucky for me I have a hallway that there is no way that she can get past me:)  Her shower (my Sauna) over, we had a few hours before the apt. She gets very tired from all the work involved in taking a shower and I knew she would need a good rest. I also knew that I would have to start at about 2  to get her  to the car and in it for the 20 min. ride into town, to get there by 3.  We made it.   I took her in and Jennifer got her all settled and then she told me to leave and she would call me when she was almost through.   I left.  I came back home and  went to my room, layed down and read and napped.  It was great.
When I got back to the salon I found Mom settled in the Pedi chair with both girls working on her.  Jennifer kept getting her nails done and Mom kept messing them up.  Finally Jennifer had to hold her hand to give the polish time to dry. 
Mom had a great time and talked about it all the way home.  About how she kept those girls down there laughing the whole time.  It was good for her to get out and laugh a while.  The girls even talked her into letting them put pink polish on fingers and toes.
We came back home, had dinner (which we picked up on the way home), and then it was bed time.  We got to her room and was changing into her gown, she looked at her fingers and said, "when did you put this color on my nails?"  Then she noticed her toes.  She couldn't believe her toenails had polish on them.  She had already forgotten that she had been any where.   Since we got home on Thursday , most of the time she talks about when I could of had time to paint her nails, but every once in a while she will look at her nails, laugh, and talk about having a good time with the girls down there.  Oh Well, as Cindy told me.....it's the moments and not the days that you have to think about. 

The Club Sandwich Generation

my life,  it's good but has lots of layers

They say we are the sandwich generation.  It is not just an ordinary two slices of bread sandwich, it's at least a club sandwich and sometimes instead of a sandwich it's a torte.  You have your spouse, your parents, both or maybe just one, your kids,and your grand children,  your siblings if you have any, and your career if you have one. ( In my case it's not a career, but my insides calling me to be an artist)  You just want everyone to be happy and get along.   Is there a day when all this comes together and that happens?  I guess there are days when it seems so.  But with so many different personalities, opinions, lifestyles and such...well, it probably doesn't  happen as often as we would like.   I am not good with confrontations.  I definitely have my own opinions on matters.  As for Mom,  When you have as many siblings as I do that makes for a lot of opinions.  We all want whats best for mom, I know that.  But, how do you decide what's best when there are so many different thoughts on the matter?  I would love for her to be able to live in her own home and to take care of herself.  She keeps telling me that she is perfectly capable of doing this.  After all she has been doing this for 80 plus years!!  The last few days she has been on the "When are you going to take me home,  Can you call one of the boys to come get me, I am not going to stay here.....and on and on.   I just want to say , sure Mom, let's go pack you up and go home.  Problem is, even though she has the town right, she does not have the location correct.  She keeps asking , "where is so and so" someone who hasn't even been around here.   Last Sunday she was watching basketball on TV with Mike and she was back in elementary school at Graham playing basketball and Mike was on the team. At one time when she was returning from using the restroom she came back into the living room and looked at Mike and asked him where is Vera??  We did not know any Vera. Mom didn't get to finish school.  She really wanted to but she had to quit and help at home.  She really liked playing basketball, she has talked about it a lot through the years.  I hate it that she didn't get to continue through high school.  Life gets in the way of what we think we want to do.  We certainly can't even think of seeing the bigger plan.  I think of the things that I thought that I wanted to do,  one thing that I always wanted to do was be an artist for Walt Disney.  I thought that that would be so cool.  But, the bigger plan, for me, was to get married and have four sons that  would reflect their father so that the four women that they would marry would know what  God intended Real Men to be like.  I think Mike is the perfect example of that. 
me thinks I have digressed
With all the things going on right now with all the layers of my torte, I'm rather tired of it all.  Is it time to move to a deserted island (that might be to hot) or the top of a mountain (Mike wouldn't like that-to cold and no golf) so here I will stay and take it one minute (forget taking it a day at a time) at a time and pray that I will do and be the best that I can be.

My Funny Valentine

hidden in the woodbox

It always amazes me how like a little kid Mom has become.  I know it shouldn't , it is the natural progression of things, but it does.  

Mom has always loved Valentines Day.  She always liked getting a box of candy.  The fancier the better.  This year I found her the prettiest box I could.  Monday I presented it to her with a Valentine.  I did have to tell her over and over that it was Valentine's Day and that this was for her.  She loved it.  We opened the box and I took off the plastic wrap and she chose a piece of candy.  We then replaced the lid and I told her that I would set it on the coffee table so that when she wanted more it would be there for her.   She said "No,  those little kids will get it."  I explained that there were not any little kids here, that it was just Mike, her, and me here at the house.  She said OK.  (  Over the weekend Mike and I kept 4 of the grand kids.  Being children, they were not always quite. )  Later on in the day I noticed that the box of candy had disappeared off the coffee table.  I asked Mike if he had seen it, he said no.  After Mom went to bed we started looking for the candy.  Now we couldn't figure out how she carried the box and held on to her walker.  I checked her bedroom, couldn't find it.  After she went to bed Mike and I , Keith and Lindsey started looking for it.  We looked under the furniture and everywhere.  Finally Lindsey opened the wood box and there it was.  Very clever hiding place. She was determined that no one was going to get her Valentine:) 

Decisions, Decisions

Oh, to be as Wise as the Owl

What to do, What to do.....There is so much going on.  So many decisions to make.  How do you know if you are making the right one?  Every morning during my prayer time I ask God to give me wisdom for the day,  help me keep my mouth shut, and that when Mom looks in my eyes, that she would see Him instead of me.  I have so many confusing thoughts in my mind.  I have learned in these past two months since Mom has been living with me, that the tone of my voice and my posture are what Mom notices.  She does not hear very well, or what she hears is difficult for her to understand, I guess it is all scrambled or something,  anyway I have to raise my voice and speak very clearly for her to be able to understand what I am saying to her. This has got to be as frustrating for her as it is for me.  When I raise my voice for her to hear me, then she thinks that I am be impatient with her.  If I am standing waiting on her to walk to where ever she is going, and I rest my hands on my hips (of which there is plenty of room to rest my hands:) she looks at it as being defiant.  Thankfully the Holy Spirit will say "Linda take your hands off your hips, think about what she is seeing" I couldn't do it without His constant help! 
It just makes me tired sometimes........

Watching the birds

 Mom's always loved watching the birds.  Here at my house she watches them all day.  (Well, when she is awake).  One of the good things about all this snow is that there have been LOTS of birds.  She comments on them off and on all day.  She will say,  look at all the Redbirds, everyone in the county must be here.  
 Redbirds do look great against the snow, sitting on the branches of the trees waiting their turn at the feeder.  

 I know that everyone is tired of all the snow, but it is so peaceful and when you walk out side and the snow buffers all the noises, how great is that!  It covers up all the imperfections (but you better watch where you are walking, I fell face first in the snow after tripping on a log that got covered up).  Actually that was kinda fun.  What a beautiful picture it makes to see the branches of the trees filled with all kind of birds and the snowflakes swirling all around. I lived is Southeast Oklahoma for 28 years and we were lucky to even get any snow in the winter.  When we moved up here 4 years ago one of the things I was looking forward to was having more snow. and I can certainly say I have not been disappointed.  I have my Hormone surges to keep me Plenty warm.  I hardly even wear my coat.   I have worn it more this year than previous years.  Forget the hat and gloves though.  It has been a little difficult having to keep the heater turned up for Mom.. I walk around in my short sleeves and she has her Warm robe and furry slippers and a blanket.  But we are managing.  At least she has the fireplace that her chair sits next to. 

 She may have forgotten a lot of things but she tells me what kinds of birds that I have at my feeders. 

 This bird we did not know.   I got out my bird book and I wasn't sure where to start, so I took a picture of it and put it on facebook and got a reply right away form one of my zoo friends.  It is an Eastern Towhee.  I was told that they don't usually come to feeders.  I think that we had a lot of desperate birds with all this snow.

Mom especially liked this little Wren.  For some reason she has always been partial to Wrens . 
I do have to admit that this morning it hit me......I have got to get out of this house for awhile.
Problem is,  when all this snow melts my drive way is going to be MUDDY.  it's as hard to get up the hill in the mud and in the snow.

Confusion in the midst of Reality

Some days Mom is more confused than others, and some days I have more patience with the confusion than others.  Wouldn't it be nice if I had more patience on the days that she was more confused.  Today I didn't.  I feel so bad when I lose patience with her.  It makes her feel bad too.  It would be so helpful to be able to see into that mind and see how it works.  She is confused in the midst of reality.  She doesn't remember hardly anything , but she knows when I am frustrated with her and she tries really hard to not be a bother.  At dinner time this evening I asked her if she wanted milk or water with her meal.  She said she would take water because I didn't have to buy it.  I told her that it was OK if she wanted milk, but she didn't want to cost us anything.  She was trying to do whatever she could to not be a bother.

she's petting Delilah

 As bad as her dementia is, there is one good thing....she has forgotten that she doesn't like animals in the house.  This is good because I HAVE cats.  I really like my cats and I was worried about how she would do with them.   

"Cookie Monster"

 They like to sleep on the top of her chair because it is close to the fireplace and therefore warm.  She let's them do this.  She will even let them sleep on her lap.  This is not normal for her.  Thankfully this is part of her "new Normal".   I have two cats that are in the house most of the time and a lot that live outside.  

George and Cowboy

Ollie

 I guess I have been rescuing cats for as long as I could remember.  Growing up , we always had cats and I always took care of them.  They were never allowed in the house.  We lived outside of town on an acreage.  At the back of the woods was an old country road and along this road people would dump kittens.  I would rescue them.  Mom didn't want them all at the house so I would find an old hollow tree and make them a little house, bring them food and water, and keep them as long as they would stay.

I didn't limit myself to cats.  Whatever animal needed help, I was there for them.  I had a one legged chicken named "Crip".  and she had a friend that I named "Biddy".   We always had dogs.  We had one named "Browser" and he would kill snakes.   One afternoon Mom and I was out walking in the woods, Browser was with us.  He found a snake and he picked it up about half way down its body and started shaking it.  Mom wound up with snake guts all over her dress.  It was pretty funny.  She was all dressed to go to a meeting.
I wish I could get my dog that I have now to kill snakes.  Instead my cats either kill them (the little ones) or they will in some way point them out to me.    One day I looked out my bathroom window to see a circle of about 10 cats.  Inside the circle was this large snake.  The cats were just playing with him.  They kinda took turns slapping at him.  It turned out to be a water moccasin .  I was going to kill it, but at the time I didn't know what kind it was,  so I let it go.  He lived to die another time.  I try not to kill every snake that comes my way, but the water moccasins can't live if they come up to the house. 
Back to the subject of Mom and my animals.  I 
am glad that she does not remember a few
things that will help her stay here easier for me
and for  her.  

Murphy

As for as the confusion in the midst of reality: 
I am thankful that she still has some reality.  Whenever it comes.

help! I'm going under! (just kidding)

help! I'm going under!

Forecast is for more snow, can you believe it?  We've had 20" and the forecast is for 5 to 8 more inches.  I got to get out today.  Mike and I went into town to take my sewing machine to be serviced.  I was hoping to drop it off and run some errands and then come and pick it up later.  Not happening!  The repair man was not in a good mood.  He came out of the back room grumbling (rather loudly) making comments about these 5 ladies who keep calling him wanting to know WHEN they were going to get to pick up their machines.  He set down at my machine and put a scrap of material in it to see how it was sewing.  Guess What,  It sewed perfectly for him.  I was so mad at that silly machine.  Well, the phone rang and he left to go answer it , so I set down and started sewing and the thread broke!   I told the lady that was helping me that I would come back next week (providing I'm not snowed in) and pick it up. 
We also went out to lunch.  I have to say I was ready to eat someone else's cooking.  Today it was Chinese.  Finally we went to the rec center and swam.  It was a good day. 

Oh wait!  what did I do with Mom while we were out galavanting around all day?  Well, it just so happens that I have a grand niece who was good enough to come over for the day and sit with mom.  Mike had to pick her up at the top of the hill because there is WAY to much snow on the drive way for any vehicle except a 4wheel drive.  Luckily her school was out today, so everything came together for a day away. 

sitting here this evening, every once in a while Mom will say, who was that young girl that was here with me today?  I tell her that it was Danny's grand daughter.   She says Oh, she sure was a sweet little thing. 

If you can't beat em, join em

"Together We Are One"

SNOW!  Can you believe all the snow that we have had?  Looks like there is more to come for this week.  Let's see, I have not been out of the house since last Monday.  I did get to go swim on Monday. As I was swimming I was thinking, I need to swim for about 3 hours, because I will not get back here for who knows how long.  I was thinking maybe a week to 10 days!  It's looking like a minimum 0f 2 weeks.  Mom was going to go spend this coming weekend with my sister.  Unfortunately, you have to drive up a big shaded hill to get to her house.  So, first you have to be able to get up my drive way and hill to get out and then get up her hill.  Not gonna happen!  Mike and I are supposed to go to the opening of the Tulsa Indian Art Show, (where they are using a piece of my art work for their publicity this year!) This is on Friday night.  Then after we get home from the opening we are keeping my son's four children so that he and his wife could go away for the weekend.  The forecast is for 4 to 5 more inches of snow on Tuesday and Wednesday.  If that happens...well..we won't be going or doing..

Mike on the frozen pond

 We decided it has been cold enough to walk on the pond.  Mike went out on it  with our Great Pyrenees "Noah". 

Snow Angel

All that to say,  I needed a little outside time today, so Mike and I went out .   I decided it was time to make a Snow Angel,  and play in the snow a little bit.  With 20" of snow it was easy to fall in and, thankfully, easy to get up out of:)  It has been a few years since I made a snow angel, I think the last time was in Vail, Colorado when we went skiing with some friends. 

Sleeping In...not!

Cowboy asleep on Mom's chair

Can I say that I was hoping Mom would sleep in this morning?  Instead she gets up earlier that usual.  Now, I am a morning person, but, I enjoy my morning alone time.  Mom usually gets up around 8:30.  This morning it was around 7:45.  Normally this is fine,  but we have been snowed in for almost a week now with app. 20" of snow, and  Mom was extremely confused yesterday.  She kept looking at me and asking where's Linda? (that's Me).   finally I asked her who I was, and she stared at me for the longest time and finally said, well, you are Linda.   I felt for her, watching the confusion on her face.  How terrible that must be.
We did work on a jig saw puzzle that I had out.  That gave her something to do that took her mind off of everything else for a while.    She actually seemed to enjoy it.  She just wants to feel like she can still do something.  She will fold clothes for Mike, but she won't for Me:)  Of course, she will do about anything for him.  If I can't get her to do something , all I have to do is have Mike talk to her and she will do it.   I don't know what I would do without Mike. 
So, we start a new day and I have princess dresses to finish and "miles to go before I sleep".

Sewing day

I'm making my twin 4 year old grand daughters  each a "Belle" princess dress.  This will make the 4th and 5th Belle dresses.  I  will now have made one for each of my five grand daughters. 

One of the many things that Mom taught me was to sew.  I know that I'm giving my age away, but I actually learned to sew on a "Singer" treadle sewing machine.  The first thing Mom taught me to sew was the hem on tea towels, and handkerchiefs, Then in 4H my first sewing project was an apron, and on and on from there. 

one of the many dresses Mom made for us

Mom was such a good seamstress.  I have 4 sisters and Mom sewed almost all of our clothes.  Three of us girls are very close in age and Mom would sew us matching dresses.  I especially remember the Easter Dresses she would make for us.  She did order us hats, gloves, anklets, and shoes, and sometimes a little purse to go with it.  She would order them all from Sears Roebuck.  We were always so excited when the mail carrier delivered that box from Sears.   

The thing was,  she would work all day doing all the necessary day to day chores and then whenever she could find a little time she was sewing for us or quilting.  She even found time to sew for her sisters girls.   She sold eggs and butter to save up enough money to buy fabric for our dresses.   It was one of our chores to churn the butter, we also milked the cows and gathered the eggs. 

When I was in high school I made a lot of my own clothes.  I also sewed matching dresses for me and my cousin to wear to school. 

One of my high school graduation presents was my very own sewing machine. I took it to college with me and I would sew matching outfits for me and my roommate.
 
Sewing..One of the invaluable lessons learned from Mom.


 

Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening

My Snowy Woods

How many of us had to memorize "Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy Evening"' by Robert Frost?  I don't remember what grade I had to memorize it in, but I have always remembered it.  Today of course is a great day to think about it.  I live in the woods and every time I look out at the beautiful snow covered woods I think of this poem.   Mom has always  loved poetry.  Growing up I remember this old book we had that was all children's poetry.  It was a thick book and I always loved reading all those poems.  I don't know where mom got that book, but by the time I was old enough to read it , it had been through the mill.  I guess all my older brothers and sisters read it, I don't really know.  Anyway mom and I loved it.  She also loved Robert Louis Stevenson.  Remember "Bed in Summer"?   In Winter I get up at night and dress by yellow candlelight.... I bought a book of Stevenson's poetry when my boys were small and I read it to them occasionally, mostly I read it for myself.  Mom's room here at my house was previously the grand kids room, so the book shelf with all the childrens books is in there.  The other night we were sitting on the edge of her bed talking and she saw that book in the shelf and asked me to get it for her.  I left her in bed reading poetry.